Marriage jokes and aphorisims

You have two choices in life: you can stay single
and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead."

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the
same thing: "You can have mine."

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge
than to let her keep him.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The
rest cheat in Europe.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she
is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't
know son, I'm still paying."

Young son: Is it true Dad, that some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That
happens in every country, son.

Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what
real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was
too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to
every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through
life thinking they had no faults at all.

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to
go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.

First guy: "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky,
mine's still alive."

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they
are attractive to the opposite sex.