自他敬
jita kei
Literal meaning:
Self and others, respect.
Natural interpretation:
Respect yourself, and respect others.
This phrase is commonly used in Okinawan and Japanese martial arts contexts. It expresses an ethical foundation rather than a technique: cultivation of dignity, humility, and mutual respect.
Mono no aware (物の哀れ) refers to a gentle awareness of impermanence. The phrase can be translated as the pathos of things (a quality that evokes sadness), although the spirit and feeling behind it feels softer than the literal words suggest. It describes the quiet emotion that arises when you recognize that everything passes, blossoms fall, summers fade, and moments slip into memory. Rather than being tragic, it invites a tender appreciation for the beauty found in things precisely because they do not last.
In everyday life, this feeling appears when you notice falling leaves, or flower petals, birds flying away for the winter, even sunlight on a table that will soon shift, and you sense both gratitude and a slight ache. It is a way of seeing the world with sensitivity and acceptance, allowing each moment to be meaningful without trying to hold it still.
The first character 物 (mono) means things or phenomena, the second の (no) links the words in a possessive or descriptive way, and 哀れ (awa-re) conveys tenderness, sorrow, and emotional resonance. Together, they point to the quiet emotional response that arises when a person perceives the fleeting nature of life.
From a cultural anthropology perspective, Mono no aware (物の哀れ) is not simply a poetic idea. It emerged from patterns of aesthetic thought that shaped Japanese literature, religion, and everyday sensibilities for more than a thousand years. Its roots lie in Heian court culture, especially in the literary world of The Tale of Genji. In that period, sensitivity to seasonal change, the fragility of human bonds, and the subtle shifts in nature became markers of refined awareness. Poetry, painting, and personal letters all relied on the ability to feel and convey this delicate emotional shade.
The idea grew out of a worldview in which permanence was never expected. Buddhism reinforced this understanding through the concept of mujō (無常) or impermanence, which taught people to observe life as a flowing stream. Shinto added a layer of animistic appreciation for spirits within natural forms, encouraging people to approach the world with respect and emotional attention. When these traditions met, they encouraged a way of living that valued the moment without attempting to control its duration.
Mono no aware (物の哀れ) can be seen as a cultural strategy for emotional resilience. Instead of resisting change, a person learns to meet it with awareness and acceptance. This sensibility influences festivals aligned with the seasons, daily rituals of greeting and parting, and the way objects are handled with care, even when they are temporary or straightforward. Cherry blossom viewing is the clearest example. People gather to admire a beauty that lasts only a few days, and the brevity itself creates the emotional depth. The appreciation is heightened precisely because the petals will soon fall.
In this sense, Mono no aware (物の哀れ) is not only an aesthetic principle. It is a way of interpreting human experience, shaped by long historical patterns, layered religious traditions, and a cultural preference for sensitivity over control. It encourages the soft strength that comes from acknowledging that every moment arrives, shines for a time, and then moves on.
Do you know how it is when you stumble upon a foreign phrase that's wildly different in your language? It can be quite the head-scratcher. I was watching a YouTube video recently; a girl walks into a Japanese restaurant, and the waiter offers her a special of Bukkake udon (ぶっかけうどん). He also hands her a steaming white towel to clean herself. She's humorously uncomfortable and leaves, excusing herself.
I'm no stranger to Japanese culture; I've lived there for three years and sincerely appreciate its nuances. But this one puzzled me, so I had to look it up.
Bukkake udon is a legitimate Japanese noodle dish. The term bukkake, in this culinary context, simply means "to pour over." So you get cold or warm udon noodles with a flavorful sauce (like soy sauce or dashi) poured over them, topped off with green onions, grated radish, and tempura bits, and you get the idea.
However, step outside of Japan and bukkake has a different connotation.
Last night, I had a most unusual dream.
It was a fantasy, as dreams tend to go, but I still wanted to share it with you.
I received, conveniently as an inheritance, a run-down space in one of the back streets of Kraków.
The space was an inside corner of a small square, and it consisted of literally some old garages and falling-apart sheds.
My friend, Artur (Dominika’s husband), advised me to look at the courtyard for what it really is, a piece of history. Artur is a real culture buff and a professional in this area.
After a real struggle to make it livable and some frustrating failures, I decided to hire an architect to design a house and match the style of the old red brick church from across the courtyard.
The result was the transformation of Rugs-to-Riches into a modern, instant classic villa matching the European Renaissance style.
I even dreamed about putting some tables and umbrellas in the courtyard and having Natalia’s creperie and baking cafe. We always joked that if things go sideways, we can make a living by feeding people.
I woke up about then, but I also realized that some of the best memories I have with my dear friends involve having good times in little places like that.
Life in a city like Kraków is not only about having fun and eating excellent food but also about culture, art galleries, history, and sophistication. I love the comfort and security of my life in the USA, but I also miss the cultural aspects of life in Europe.
Here are some older photos I took to help you to visualize this dream.
I am pretty sure that some of the readers would be shocked by the notion of "security" of living in the USA, but some towns and neighborhoods are so peaceful that you can sleep without the worry of an open house door, an open garage door, or an unlocked car in the driveway.
Of course, I am willing to drive for an extra few miles to avoid other unsafe neighborhoods. It is similar in Europe, too. On some streets, they will stab you for your wallet and steal your car's wheels.
