Terrible day for me and my family:
Everything lined up to warn me about what is to come. Every time it is like a voice calling from heaven: "I will throw as many obstacles as it takes for you to realize what I have prepared for you."
I feel empty, some hope was taken away, some light, some meaning. I feel cynical towards the life.
Somebody said "Nothing matters!" Just a few days ago I had this argument saying "No, it matters, life is composed of chain of moments, cannot skip that."
People we love, moments we live are what matters, what we do and how we do it is what matters, this is what we will be accounted for.
Today I learned that another soul joined the heavens. It joined the heavens because it was accounted for what it was. I live my life and for this life I will be accounted, I need to live it the best I can. No arrogant fool will tell me that "Nothing matters." because it does, God put me on Earth to make the best living I can, this is my destiny and duty. It always seem true that the grass is greener on the other side, and fools get fooled easily. Today, God decided to strike me for my arrogance, put a log on my path, but also God put me on this path to walk and walk I will.

Sometimes I find it so difficult to cope with the reality that I feel like crying. Constant distractions, headache. I cannot concentrate for 15 minutes to write any good code, always issues and unknown. Can't just Network administrators know the network, DB Admins know their Data Bases and programmers their applications. Why some people have to know everything and some are excused from thinking. I feel stupid, really stupid and it hurts because if I were to concentrate on one task, i.e. writing Java code it would be really good, I know it. I loose in this rat-race game of know it all.

OK, after trillions of days of neglect I need to update my Blog.

02.28.2002
Finished EHSsuite XML search, the will be more twicks, but most work done, release to life on Friday.

02.20.2002
Date to remember. I got married. The life-changing event was not too life changing. Life goes on. If you choose to be with someone neither the priest, nor the judge will influence it. It is a decision between two people. And most of all, it is your own decision, you have made it a long time before you said "I do" in the marriage.
Now most of the people who are the least interested in my life know and accepted the thought of me being married. Life is better together, it is a good feeling when somebody else is at home with you. We weren't created to live alone.